"Are you suffering from the perversity?
Why? I enjoy it!"
Dialog with a doctor
I want to dedicate this article to answering the question: “How people being keen on the “Theme” consider themselves and their passion?” By the “Theme”, we imply female-female and female-male fighting, even though other “deviations” (or perversions, if you will) could be considered in the context as well.
Freud said: “The only perversion in the sex is lack of sex”. Russian actress Faina Ranevskaya put it differently: ”I know just two perversions: field hockey and ice ballet.”
One more quotation by Leo Tolstoy: “A madhouse is a place where people having common mental disorders imprison people with rare mental disorders.”
We agree with these aphorisms! We are just different from some people somehow – more or less. It is normal and is not disputed. What is the problem then? The question is how we are different and how far we are from the “norm”. Most of us adhere to the opinion that the following old thought is true and will eventually become a conventional “norm”: “A person is free in his actions unless they are concern of other people”. This is the best wording! Now we are talking not how other people consider “themers” but how the themers consider themselves and their passion. Differently though… Unfortunately, we are a part of the society, whatever one may say. .
Simply and unpretentiously, I would subdivide the themers into three main groups:
1. “People with a positive perception”. See the epigraph . Nothing can be added to what the epigraph says. These people do not need in any advice; they consider the “Theme” as a way to make everyday life brighter, to help overcome problems. They use it as a kind of a doping or stimulant. Praise them! .
2. “People with a neutral perception”. “Neutral” doesn’t mean indifference about the “Theme” – not at all; these people just consider their passion as something natural which is not to be a subject of assessment - negative or positive. Like eating, breathing or sleeping. Usually, these people are balanced, calm and self-sufficient – in any perspective. Their motto is “I don’t disturb you, so please don’t disturb me”. This category determines stability of any concept in the society (in our case, we mean the “Theme”). Seemingly, these people should have constituted a majority but they are not, contrary to the rules of the normal distribution. Alack! . Perhaps, being keen on the “Theme” means representing a kind of opposition to the “norm” of the mainstream. A person interested in the “Theme” often considers himself as being marginal. Then either he considers mainstream moral principles wrong then he belongs to the first category, otherwise he belongs to the third group.
3. A man feels thirst for the “Theme” but his cultural upbringing constantly reminds him that “something is not right here”; so he gets in a conflict with himself. While the “Theme” attracts him, his moral principles impede him. Such conditions are not promising for his psyche. So, being deeply involved in the “Theme”, such a person tries to distance himself from it. This is a vicious circle which no way out. As far as our limited observations can indicate, such a person can not escape this vicious circle on his own. If he has managed to convince himself that his passion doesn’t disturb anyone, he is already in the second (or even in the fist) group. If he has suppressed his inclination for the “Theme”, he is not considered here…
He might be trying to struggle with himself. But such a struggle is not between two personalities but between two parts on one personality, so there are no chances to win since if a part of the whole wins, it destroys its own other part.
To change this, some dramatic change of the way of life (i.e. going far away to become a woodcutter. ) We know a man who had overcome his passion to women combat by transforming into religion (according to him). Only the God can be his judge.
We deliberately do not counsel anyone here. The advice seems to be obvious and those who followed them, are no longer in the vicious circle. If someone have not yet, never will. To help them , much more deep knowledge is needed which we do not possess.
In fact, a person rarely belong to one group; he might be somewhere in between or moving near the border – depending on the environment, context or even mood at moment.
Besides, an age might influence. Actually, views are usually softened with age, so individuals from the third group might move to the second group. The two groups seem to be drawing together.
By the way, I can confirm from my own experience with the ‘Theme’ that the perception of it becomes less bright as you grow older; but at the same time, deeper and involves more “doses”. It is also related to the fact that Internet becomes more accessible and diverse. Remember how much you were able to get before the Internet era. We the Themers too contributed to the ‘Theme’ and make it accessible, especially in its literary part.
In fact, such abundance of the information can pall because your heart needs something newer and fresher. Everything in the ‘Theme’ seems to be settled. Except maybe personal participation in fighting with a woman… But it is not affordable for the most of us.
So, some young enthusiastic themers of the first category have been married and gone to earn their living. Some of the struggling youngsters from the third group are going in the same direction. So, just those remain who really fell in love with the ‘Theme’. Who need it as they need air. )
Some opinions from the Russian forum BDSM
Internal world of a Themer
Ekstrimrab: >: Usually, we the themers are not understood. I have thought about that. My conclusion is that we are the most sincere, honest and cheery people. Other than that we are not different from others.
We are brave because we don’t hide our fantasies; we are clever because we try to understand everyone; we don’t play the hypocrite because there is no need; we think much about our behavior, that’s why we often apply to the God asking forgiveness for our sins (while ‘normal’ people rarely think they are also sinners. The godfearing is an important human force. We always smile while the ‘normal’ ones are embarrassed or lazy to express their good will. We have many more differences… So, are we dissolute people with human soul or those ‘normal’ people with the stone soul?
AndyWrestling: The inner life is something intimate and very personal. So, I wouldn’t judge who is hard-hearted and who is not. Sometimes we don’t have courage to look deeper into ourselves in order to figure out our own motives and incentives. So it is thankless job to judge other people. However, I agree that the ‘Theme’ is fascinating and there is a ground for discussions.
If you consider our ‘perversions’ or ‘deviations’ from the religious point of view, we don’t deserve an indulgence. I consider my sexual fantasies as a test from the God. He is testing me. Frankly, I failed my test, even though I have quit for now. But is a poor consolation. This is my personal opinion and I don’t have pretensions of a common truth. I wouldn’t be so rigid about sincerity and openness. We are looking for a counterpart for our lust satisfaction. Just that. That’s why we have to expose ourselves and share information with each other. This information is deviant for the most of the people but considered as ‘normal’ for ‘perverts’. Confess to yourself, how open you are as far as your personal information is concerned. How about your job, your family? Asking such questions is considered as a bad form. I don’t say that these ‘perverts’ are all assholes. However, we shouldn’t make a virtue out of our passion.