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Odd Incident


Self-possession defeats hastiness
and intelligence defeats brute force!


Русская версия

Odd Incident

Illustrations by Anatoly X.
His artworks can be found on his page at the resourceе DeviantArt


Recently, I had a real physical fight with a woman; curiously enough, it was over an unknown nasty man who had annoyed me…

I am thirty six and I had never fought before even though I was familiar with wrestling: when I was young I practiced Judo for a short time and also had some experience in fun wrestling with my husband who was a freestyle wrestler at school. I am a tall athletic woman (I also practiced gymnastics in my childhood), so, we were almost evenly matched with my husband in our friendly contests.

I happened on one of Caribbean islands where I had a vacation alone. There were a lot of vacationers from Russia. Many of them smoked everywhere, talked too loudly and often used obscene words. It was a little annoying…

The day before, a stranger was sticking around by the pool, trying to attract my attention but that schmuck didn’t interest me at all. He told me about his successful business somewhere in Ural where his factory made some semi-products for furniture which they sold abroad. At first, I politely listened with half an ear. Later at night, he tried to holla at me but I clearly let him see I was not interested…

Next day, I went beyond the official beach in order to be far away from the main crowd of bathers. I set at a shady spot and began reading a book. Suddenly, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that a beefy woman was forcefully approaching me. She marched up to me and started cursing me using choicest swearwords. The meaning of her threatening tirade was simple: “You bitch stay away from my husband, otherwise there’ll be hell to pay!” She stood over me and her face distorted with rage and impudence. It was too much; I was unable to swallow an insult, I gasped with rage, the blood surged to my cheeks and I instantly scrambled to my feet. Before that I had never taken it in my head to pick a fight but at that moment, I ached to physically destroy that ugly lard-ass. Now it is embarrassing for me to recall that but she just roused the tigress in me, even though I didn’t lose self-control.

As the saucebox came close, I pushed her away hitting in the shoulders without any visible effect – she was too heavy. She caught my arm and for half a minute, we chaotically threw our arms around getting to different body parts: face, breasts, stomach. I acted silently while she kept cursing. Then she grabbed my neck and began squeezing it. I just realized that things look black for me; it was impossible to escape her iron grip and I slapped her in the face with all my burning ardor and strength. She cursed me and unclenched her hands in order to hit me. I took the opportunity, briskly escaped her grip and jumped back to take a breath and to see what to do next.

At that moment, I realized that I had completely calmed down and felt clarity of thought. I the fatso stopped her aggression I would walk away. But she obviously was committed to fight with me and I was ready for a fight already. Everything I had known about martial arts just came to my mind – not too much but it helped me a lot. I just recalled my aforetime Judo practice once my opponent wore a swimming suite rather than a kimono, the only appropriate technique would be choking. I also recalled watching my husband’s wrestling matches and even my experience in fun wrestling with my husband. But the most important thing I realized was that an obese female smoker may not have good stamina and agility. The only advantage my opponent had was her heavy weight. All these thoughts just instantly floated in my mind and I began acting according to these factors.

The lard-bucket moved closer to me and I decided to get her to run around. I just sold the dummy, jumping back and forth at random, tricking and exhausting her. This tactics turned out to be more than successful: as she got worked up and flew into a rage, she quickly got out of breath and was acting hit or miss. Cursing and roaring like a doggess, she attempted to punch me in the face and catch me by hair and arms. But I had good motor reaction and managed easily to dodge blows; at that I didn’t run too far away from her making sure she knew I didn’t flee. Certainly, I was able to flee the battle but I realized that not punishing her right here and right now would make the rest of my vacation problematic. In a few minutes I noticed that the quarrelsome girl had no kick left. She stopped to catch her breath but I didn’t let her do that…

I started randomly circling around her in different directions in order to confuse her and to grab her neck. She tried to follow me but quickly got lost and I as soon as I found myself behind her, jumped at her and firmly grabbed her neck and then squeezed it aspiring to strangle her a little and then to take her down by hip-roll. She started jerking trying to escape my grip and swung her arms attempting to hit me – all in vein. Her energy reserve gave out in a few seconds; as she slackened, I easily rolled her over not loosening my grip.

In fact, I accomplished almost the classic choke hold. She wheezed out: “Let me go, bitch!” But I didn’t intend to release until she appealed for mercy. I loudly said just in her ear articulating each word:”I know Judo techniques and am capable to choke you to death and it is up to you if you want to live. I absolutely don’t need your husband, he is not my cup of tea, please leave me alone. If you apologize now I will let you go.” “Please excuse me, I am so sorry! Please, please!” – The plump girl helplessly snorted out. I released her and she lied down on her belly, buried her face in hands and sobbed her socks off. I helped her get up and then I had to hear usual old wives’ complaints: “my husband is a nonentity, drunkard, womanizer, even though he makes good money in his shady business…” I gave a fair hearing her and assured her once again that she would be confident that my only desire was to be alone and to be left alone. Before I left her, I said to her: “Sorry for inflicting pain but I defended myself and didn’t have any other choice. Please don’t be upset and let’s forget about all happened here. Thanks God, nobody noticed our fight – from faraway it looked like a playful romps.” I also added humorously: “Quit smoking and do some physical activity!” After saying that, I picked up my stuff and rushed away. Unexpectedly, my recent rival called after me: “Thank you!” The ways of God are inscrutable: a moment ago, two gals had a fierce brawl, now the loser thanks the winner. I've always marveled how mood of some Russians ebbs and flows – from aggressiveness and brutality to tearfulness and from kindness and hospitality – to hostility…

After that incident, I saw her several times – always with her husband; when I came across her, we exchanged a loaded look invisible to public.

Spending the rest of my vacation all alone, I pondered over that odd incident. In fact, I was able to defend myself from a male attacker and to give a Roland for an Oliver. But I did not imagine that the first and the only attacker assaulting me would be a woman and I would have to physically fight with her. I blessed my stars for being gifted with guts, perseverance and ability to keep a cool head in any complex situation. Some experience in martial arts and some familiarity with combative sports were of service to me as well. A fight between two women is usually ugly, brutal and fierce. In the nature, physical dueling for superiority is not a feminine way; women fight rarely but if they do, they fight for extremely serious reasons – protecting their children, their families or themselves. Actually, every man has some fighting experience under belt, so they can envisage possible aftermath. Women often fail to realize the real danger of involvement into a fight and being more emotional, act with insensate cruelty. I guess, if that saucebox hit on an experienced brawler being much less sensitive than me or she attacked a helpless chicken, it would end with serious injuries…

Despite the awkwardness of the situation, I was proud of myself: I not only managed to physically defeat an aggressive heavier opponent spoiled for a fight but also gracefully got off the hook. Self-possession defeats hastiness and intelligence defeats brute force!

Zhanna Glinskaya
May 2014


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