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Go and Fight!

Frequently Asked Questions

Go and Fight!
Artworks (above and below) by artist Pauline Goodwyn
Album DeviantArt

Русская версия

I get a lot of email from women asking questions and, while I can often just refer them to the material on this site, there are some questions not answered specifically in any of the other sections of this tutorial.

I want to get into wrestling and my husband (or boyfriend, etc.) suggested that I wrestle an old girlfriend of his. I don't think we're real hostile to each other, just not friends. But he thinks this would be a good match. What do you think? Go and Fight!

I think it's a potential disaster. Even if you have no hard feelings toward her, she may have them toward you and, in any case, there is almost always an edge of competition between women from different periods in a man's life. Maybe it shouldn't be but it usually is.

Fighting a woman with a grudge is a bad idea. The match won't be fun because you're doing it with someone who's not fun for you to be with. You have no idea what she actually has in mind as "fun". The guy may think he'll have fun but he could end up with an abusive match or one that gets out of control.

My (fill it in) has a fantasy about me wrestling my sister. We're close and we've had fights in the past as kids. What do you think?

If you feel safe with your sister and she wants to, go for it. I've had some real doozies with my own sister! Sister matches are often the most enjoyable and memorable because they combine the natural rivalry between siblings with the love and care that sisters have for each other (if their relationship is good). She'll fight you hard but she'll never try to hurt you - if you feel this is true of your sister, accept the challenge by all means.

I want to start wrestling and my guy wants to watch me but I have a problem. He wants to see me wrestle in a bathing suit and I don't think I'm in very good shape and, to be honest, I don't think my body is attractive enough to show that way. What do I do here?

The issue is not what you look like, it's whether you're in condition to do this. If you feel you are (and it really doesn't take all THAT much conditioning to start), the issue you have is a common one among women: body self-hatred. The only women I have met who aren't critical of their bodies in some way are all on American On Line.

The fact is that we are conditioned to look at models as the ideal female body but those women are professionals whose bodies ARE their tools of the trade and they have conditioned those bodies (through work, pain, even cosmetic surgery and, in my opinion, some risk) to look like what men are taught is the ideal female body. Most of us, genetically, can't even look like that! Go and Fight!

How can there be an ideal body among human beings? Each of us is different. If you're in good enough shape to wrestle, you're good enough to look at as you do it

My advice? Find an opponent and talk frankly with her about this issue and hear what SHE has to say about her body. I'll bet the conversation will make you feel like you're a beauty queen. And, once you two are wrestling, you won't give ONE thought to what you look like. Trust me.

I'm talking to a woman about a match and something has come up. I am almost sure she's a lesbian and I'm not. I'm embarrassed about my feelings because I don't consider myself prejudiced but, to be honest, I'm a bit queasy about this. Should I just ignore these feelings? Go and Fight!

Absolutely NOT. You should never ignore hesitations you have about an opponent. It's a shoe-in for a bad experience and it's a great disservice to her. Additionally, it would be an act of disrespect toward this woman.

If you find this one attractive as an opponent and want the match, you should talk to her about your feelings. Be respectful and sensitive but be honest with her. Lesbians are women, after all, and they feel a lot of the same things. No lesbian is going to be surprised that you express these feelings.

Now, you don't specify this here but there is a prejudice about lesbians that, once they touch another woman, it's eros city and that is simple sexist myth. I've wrestled a LOT of lesbians. In my experience, they are much more respectful of sexual boundaries than many straight people. They are less initially intimidated by "touching or grabbing" another female body (and you KNOW about THAT intimidation in a straight woman). And, most of all, there's no problem with them being competitive or showing bodies in front of men because they don't care what the guys are thinking. They tend to compete just to compete.

In fact, in my experience, lesbians don't DO erotic wrestling with straight women because that would constitute a violation of their current relationship - see that's NOT the case with women married to men, is it? The only time I have been sexually touched by an opponent non-consensually during a match was with heretofore "straight" women who suddenly discovered something about themselves during the battle. You know what? The single best straight wrestling match I have ever seen in person was between a lesbian couple. The BEST and there wasn't an erotic move in the whole match!

This is silly but it bothers me. You talk about wrestling barefoot but I think my feet are really ugly! Shouldn't I wear socks or something?

You can if you want but they're sweating and slippery. I could wax eloquent about body hatred and all that but that doesn't mean crap in the real world, does it? Listen, a bit of girlfriend advice on the footsie issue. Take a couple of weeks to rub oil on your feet at the end of the day. Give yourself a very warm foot bath every day and then do your nails in bright red! You'd be surprised what a bit of color can do! And consider yourself lucky. I hate my boobs and, when I wrestle topless, no make-up can cover those saggers!

I grew up prim and proper, Barbara. Do most women who wrestle come from a tough background?

Go and Fight! Actually, most combative women I know have never been in a street fight in their lives. Now, there are some who have. Some who grew up tough. And maybe the ones I know aren't representative but I know some very well known combative women. Most of them grew up without much violence in their lives. The fact is that street fighting is not necessarily preparation for wrestling or even rules catfighting. A street fight is an adventure in frenzied viciousness and there's very little strategy involved. This is completely different.

Just get the rules straight and agree to them. If you want to do it, you are going to do it NOW so the past has very little relevance. You'll learn as you do it.

Be honest with me. I'm in my forties and I'm thinking of starting wrestling. Is that too old?

Honestly? Only if half the combative women I know are too old. :-) Over 70 percent of the members of Ladies Corner on this site (that's about 50 real combative women or so at this point) are in their later thirties and forties. A couple are in their fifties. They ALL wrestle, honey. Several had their first matches when they were past 40. This is absolutely true. This isn't an athletic career. You take one match at a time and you do the next one if you want to or stop when you don't want to go on. You're at your prime in many ways, with the most self-confidence and self-assurance you have probably ever had. You may be as close to being content with yourself as you've ever been. If you want to, this is THE time to start.

Go and Fight! I really want to do a rules catfight and I have this really neat woman who wants to fight me. But I'm a bit scared by it because I'm not sure how far to go and what it's going to be like. What do you suggest?

Ask her to straight wrestle a fall with you to get acquainted with each other's bodies and strength and to get a feel as to whether you're a good match. After that, you can take a few days to consider it or even retire to another room (if you're in front of observers) and talk about whether you want to fight. Be honest and she'll respect that. Maybe she won't want to do much more than a straight match at that point anyway. But it's a great icebreaker and a great safety device.

I had a wrestling match, not my first but I haven't had that many. We were wrestling and I started to get aroused and I actually had an orgasm (at least I think I did). This really has me freaked because it wasn't what I wanted and I'm afraid the other girl realized it? Now I want another match with her but... I mean...

You had a perfectly natural experience that some women have at times and trying to explain it or predict when it might recur has no value. You were physically close to another body and moving intensely and feeling strong emotions and that's a mix that can become eroticized. It has happened to me, to opponents and to all kinds of women I know. It's really no big thing and nothing to be concerned about or ashamed of and it probably won't recur with this opponent anyway.

If you think she noticed (and she probably did, to be honest) talk to her about it and express what you just did to me. She'll probably be grateful for the trust you have placed in here.

And listen, some women would give anything to have at least an occasional orgasm with another person so maybe you should consider yourself fortunate.

My girlfriend and I had this wrestling match for our husbands. It was lots of fun. But the deal she made with her husband was that, if we did this, he would have an erotic naked wrestling match with my husband. They're both good looking guys and in good shape and everything but I didn't think it would happen. Now it's been scheduled and I'm starting to wonder whether there's something wrong with me because I'm kind of looking forward to it? What do you think?

Go and Fight! I think you should send me the address, time and place.

This DOES occur. There are a couple of women in Ladies Corner who do "couples" matches. I have no idea how often it happens and have no pool for evaluating how many women are turned on by it. I know I personally find the idea really exciting and the two matches of this type I saw (both of which, by the way, were between gay men) were very arousing for me. If they want to, she wants to and you want to, then you know what I'm going to say. By the way, I think it's a very nice gesture on her husband's part. Give him a big hug and kiss and whatever else follows.

How far into a pregnancy do you think I can safely wrestle?

I think it's an unnecessary danger from the moment you miss the period. In fact, I know a couple of experience combative women who, when discussing a match with a new opponent, actually ask if she has missed her latest period. Okay? I'm a believer in full exercise right through a pregnancy but wrestling is trauma activity (you're getting knocked around) and you are carrying a life inside you, girlfriend! Wrestling is great but we have a unique role in this universe: we can give and nurture life. For the time being, it's time to stress that.

What about wrestling DURING your period?

Opinion is divided, actually. Some say you should avoid it at all costs but that really cuts down on scheduling possibilities, doesn't it? I think it depends entirely on you. If you experience major physical change or extreme emotions at some point during the menstruation, you need to avoid scheduling matches around that time and can feel free to cancel if the old body violates the schedule the day of the match. Medically, there is really nothing dangerous about wrestling during a period but everyone is different. One thing, though, use a non-intrusive menstrual device (not anything you stick into yourself). Just to be safe.

Go and Fight! My husband keeps telling me that there are many women who are willing to actually fist fight for their husbands' enjoyment. He says this is what "real fighting women" do. Is this true and what do you think I should do if he asks me?

He's going to ask you, trust me.

I think it's bullshit. I've been into this for over 15 years and know or have spoken with at least a hundred women who are also into it. I've never met one who fistfights for her husband's pleasure. I'm sure they exist but they are NOT many. Some women do it for money in front of a camera (like with Crystal Videos) but I doubt very much that he actually knows many women who do.

You want my frank opinion about him? You asked so I'll tell you. I think he's either dangerously out of touch with reality or extremely selfish or pathologically interested in getting you hurt. I think you should reconsider your relationship with him if he actually asks you and, in any case, I think you should ask him why he keeps telling you this. I think you're in a troubled situation and I don't think he really cares about your safety.

Barbara published this "wrestling manual" in 1992
It was translated into Russian in August, 2004
Redesingned in July 2014

We are deeply indebted to Barbara for her permission for reprint and translation
and to Pauline Goodwyn for her illustrations!

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