Everything must be consensual! This is THE cardinal rule for all combative women and all of them, especially the most experienced, will attest to that simple fact. It's a rule that emanates from the very philosophy of female recreational wrestling and there is NEVER an exception to it.
You may get pressure from mates or observers to do something that fulfills a fantasy or seems, to them, natural, normal or exciting in some way. You must resist that pressure. The point to make to everyone who will observer a match is that the women who are doing the match MUST be in control of everything.
You have here an opportunity to stretch yourself and do something that society often tells us we can't do - use your strength in a one on one competition with a member of our sex who is about as strong as you are. The possibilities are exciting here and you'll see, once you try it, how it really does change your own feelings about yourself and what you can do. It can actually change your life! But that potential will be frustrated if you aren't in control. If you're acting like a puppet in someone else's fantasy theater, you aren't going to feel as good about yourself as a result of this experience. Again, that's not to say it's not satisfying to fulfill your mate's fantasies: I know it IS very satisfying. But you need to do that on YOUR terms and doing only what YOU and your opponent are willing to do. You're doing this for yourselves - the enjoyment of others is a wonderful by-product but only that
Soooooo... Before you fight another woman, be clear about what you will do to each other, NEVER do something to someone unless you are sure she is willing.
This doesn't mean you have to discuss headlocks in a wrestling match. Much is understood before you even talk. But, for example, never pull hair unless you've agreed to it and never ever eroticize a fight unless you have both agreed to do so. This is critical if a wrestling match or catfight is going to be enjoyable for both participants. It's fundamental that two women should have mutual respect for each other and the respect from others they deserve.
Barbara published this "wrestling manual" in 1992
It was translated into Russian in August, 2004
Redesingned in July 2014
We are deeply indebted to Barbara for her permission for reprint and translation
and to Pauline Goodwyn for her illustrations!
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